Pretty Bitches by Lizzie Skurnick
LLBC Rating: 8/10
Book Synopsis: Pretty Bitches is a collection of essays written by a cast of female writers explaining what some words used to describe women really mean. These women expose the weapon that words can be, and how they impact a woman's self-image.
This book was engaging and powerful, and we felt like many of the chapters were saying what we could never put into words. However, some of the chapters just missed the mark. They went a direction that may have resonated with other women, but we felt they were reaching a bit.
THE FIRST MEETING: As this is our first anniversary, we kicked off the first meeting of September by revisiting some of our favorite month's from the year. We reminisced on the horror that October brought, agreed that the February read was one of our favorites, and remembered our March stay at the JW Marriot.
After our recap of the first year, Quin led us through an introduction to September's book and the author. First, we went over the concept of the book and discussed some of the terms we would soon read about. Quin read off these terms and everyone threw in what they thought and felt when they heard the word. These are the few that we covered:
Intimidating: A handful of us shared our experiences of being called intimidating. Some of us had good experiences with the word, others had bad ones, however, even those who received 'intimidating' as a compliment, recognized the need for those who told us this to clarify that it was a trait they admired. It has been known widely that calling a woman 'intimidating' is meant as a dig or an insult. Apparently a woman is not supposed to be intimidating (who knew!), calling them this is just another way to keep us "in our lane."
Nurturing: Caring and compassionate women are often described as nurturing. Caring and compassionate men seem to be described as just that, caring and compassionate, and maybe even kind. So why are men not told that they are a 'nurturing person?' Being nurturing is considered an inherently female trait when it should instead be thought of as a human trait. As a woman, I can be a good, caring, empathetic person, and you do not have to tell me that I would "be a good mother." Beyond that, being a 'nurturing' woman is not the only thing that would make me a good mother. What about being a strong woman, a kind woman, a smart woman?
Princess: Maybe when we were little girls, being called princess made us feel important, like we could never be ignored. However, as a grown woman who is not a part of any royal family, I am no princess. Being called a princess as a grown woman is incredibly demeaning and makes us feel small and weak. It implies that we are spoiled and have everything handed to us. It is never meant to be a compliment when you grow up. We are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves, and take pride in our independence, and we certainly do not need your help. We are not your princess.
How do you feel when you hear these words?
After discussing these few words that we would soon read more about, we learned about Lizzie Skurnick, the woman who created this month's book! She wanted this book to make a statement. That is one of the reasons for the title, the word "bitches" written in big red letters on the front cover. That would definitely attract some attention. Lizzie Skurnick said this while doing an interview promoting the book,
"I felt like if we can't talk about these words, we're not going to be able to understand the power they're having over our lives, and that's very dangerous for us right now."
We admire the women who wrote each and every one of these essays, and thank them for sharing their experiences with the words used so often to demean women.
OUTING: To celebrate the women of our club and our first book club anniversary, we went on a retreat to the KOA campground in Ludington, MI. We got to the campground in the late afternoon, and, after quickly unpacking, we stopped back at the camp office to ask about the best hiking trails around the campground. We were pointed in the direction of a beautiful little trail which we hiked for about an hour.
Along the way, we saw so many different types of mushrooms which we did not expect to find. Funny enough, we even remembered some from Madi's presentation during June to go with our Botany theme!
After returning to the cabin, it was dinner time. We got a fire started from a very helpful camp employee (don't worry, we will start our own next time), while Quin, Mary, and Lauren chopped up potatoes to cook over it. While the potatoes cooked, we roasted hotdogs over the fire as well. When dinner was finished, the group of us gathered around a table out front of the cabin and talked about what we would like to see in the next year of The Lady Literacy Book Club.
Mary jotted down these suggestions of themes, books, and outings that we would all like to do in the next year and we are so excited to see them implemented in the coming months!
Once everyone gave their suggestions, and there were many of them, we sat around the campfire as the sun went down talking and listening to music until it was time for bed. Overall, it was an incredible little cabin trip and we were so sad when it came to end, but we cannot wait for next year!
THE FINAL MEETING: To finish book club for the month of September, we talked about how some of our favorite chapters impacted our view and interpretation of these words. This conversation was tastefully sprinkled with "go off" and "you tell 'em" and "someone finally said it!" Below are some of the essays that we found most impactful.
Too: This essay felt like they were talking directly to us. Nearly every woman can recall at least one time in their life where they have been called "too" something. Too loud. Too quiet. Too bossy. Too shy. Too nice. Too emotional. Too much, or too little.
Lucky: I am not lucky, I work hard, and I deserve what I receive as a part of that hard work. As Glynnis Macnicol discusses in her essay, when she posted on Facebook about her trip to Paris for work after selling two books in just over a year, all of the comments told her just how 'lucky' she was. However, if a man had posted the same thing, he would have been congratulated for all of his hard work. Why is he not lucky? Because men doing what they want with their lives is not 'lucky.' Instead, it is perfectly acceptable.
Pretty: This was one of our favorite chapters of all. It showed us that being a woman is so diverse, and pretty is used to describe many other things. Flowers are pretty, the sunset is pretty, the color lilac is also pretty. Stephanie Burt writes, "Pretty is, in other words, in versions of the feminine that are not (or shouldn't be) directly sexual" (p. 179). It reminds us to be empowered by our femininity, without the relation to female sexuality (specifically as it relates to the patriarchy).
In fact, every chapter in this book seemed to come back around to the patriarchy. Whether that was intentional or not, I suppose we may never know. It seemed every essay included some mention pointing out the pattern of women being below men in society for years. They explain that these words, and many others, are used to continue that pattern.
After we discussed and rated the book, everyone got a chance to present their writing piece of the month and receive feedback from the rest of the club. The prompt this month? Write whatever you want. We all had the opportunity of writing a new piece or continuing an old piece, and it could be done in any format that we choose! Check out the September writing highlight that will be updated tomorrow, October 2nd.
We had the best first year of book club and cannot wait to see what will happen in the coming months! And of course we have some plans for you too. Keep an eye on our Instagram, Tik Tok, and website to see how you will soon be able to join our club! Thank you so much for following along this month. Make sure to follow our social media to keep up with us every day!
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